Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
this boner is exhausting
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
