guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
