Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
