i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
