OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
