the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
