It's Friday. Sex?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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