Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize