I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
