I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
