Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
