I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize