this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
