I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
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