Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize