oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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