Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
