I'm really into asian looking animals
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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