the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize