I am in a vortex of obligation.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
