my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
