Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
