i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize