god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
