Come see our sink grown plant.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
