Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
