She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
