My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize