please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
