I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
