He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
