i permit you to call me
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
