Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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