My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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