Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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