wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
