just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
