Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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