you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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