How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
