where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
