i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
