I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
