white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
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