Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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