My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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