the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
