in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
