i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
