no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Randomize
