Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
