well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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