My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize