It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
