the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
