garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
