Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
