Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
