The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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