Pappa wants mamma naked
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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