I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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