It was confusing and full of hummus
No subtext here. People are naked.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize