It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
