What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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