after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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