You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
