see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
