this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
