new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize