Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Randomize
