she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
