bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
