she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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