i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
