shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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