i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
