You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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