He uses pillows to masturbate.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
