well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
