remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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