So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
