Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
